There are things that women were not programmed to say, it's not in their nature, unless your girlfriend has a bit of masculinity in her chromosomes and understands men perfectly (in that case then never let her go, unless she's so masculine that keeps sending you to the hospital every time you don't answer a call).
But seriously, if your girlfriend said these things, she would probably be a man:
1. "Drink more babe, I love seeing you throw up."
They want someone who can get them back home safe and without a scratch, if you end up losing consciousness at each party you go together, she will hardly flatter your behavior. Unless she is also a drinking champion who adores getting totally wasted with you.
2. "What a nice truck driver belly you have my love, I love how it keeps growing and growing".
If when you two met you weighed 154 pounds and now you're around 240 or more it is very likely that she doesn't like your conformism, it means that you have stopped trying to look good for her. Physical appearance matters and we cannot deny it.
3. "Honey, I just finished washing your car, do you want me to make your bed?"
I mean, come on! Your girlfriend is not your slave, it is more likely that if she makes your bed while YOU wash HER car then later she might propose a much more interesting activity (wink).
4. "Forgive me, I was wrong, You're right, again."
Do you really expect her to say this? Besides, that sounds creepy, it sounds like if she was afraid of you or something like that.
5. "You burp like a real Lion, I love you my Simba."
When the confidence has exceeded the limits and you do things in front of her like burping, farting or you have no problem with leaving the bathroom's door open allowing her to see you defecate then you are giving her reasons to start feeling a little disgusted by the man that she once liked so much.
6. "Yes love, those shoes that you gave me 3 years ago are still good."
It's not that she wants you to give her gifts every day (unless she's more interested in your wallet than in you) but if you've stopped giving her an occasional detail every now and then you better be ready to hear complaints about it.
7. "My sister said you were looking at her harassingly while she was swimming, she's crazy! You would never do something like that."
She doesn't want you to see the beautiful bodies of other women more than you do with hers, do not do it on the street, do not do it at parties and definitely do not do it with her sister!
8. "Honey, when you're back from the bar, wake me up to warm up your dinner."
Here we mix two previous points: she doesn't want a measureless drunk guy and she definitely doesn't want to be the servant of a measureless drunk guy.
9. "Stay here, love, I'll change the flat tire."
Being a gentleman in modern times includes knowing how to change a tire, it is simple, now, it would be an exaggeration to include having knowledge of advanced mechanics, not everyone knows that much, but she will be grateful if her man gets her out of trouble. So man up!
10. "Your mother called again, she'll stay with us for the whole month! Isn't that great?"
Just as you don't want her mother messing around, dropping opinions about your relationship and stuff like that, she also doesn't want your mother hanging around more than necessary, it is easy to overpass the privacy line, and I'm sorry to hurt some feelings out there but a couple does not include mothers, fathers or anyone else
It ain't that hard.
Surely you don't want to screw your relationship, if so, why would you be with her?
It would definitely be hilarious to hear your girlfriend calling you "Simba" but let's face reality: They want a relationship based on respect, trust and communication, if you know how to properly mix that with your wild instincts then you will have found the key to achieve the perfect understanding of women, and I would be willing to read a book or two about that.
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